292. When Mom Stress Comes Out as Anger, Impatience & Overwhelm

SPEAKER_00: Hey friend, welcome to the Star Scared Podcast, where we are mamas who are wanting craving meaning more in our lives outside of just being a mom. We love our babies, but man, how we lost ourselves in the chaos of everyday mom life. My name is Christy, and I'm a wife, a mama, a teacher, and any gram six and a projector who used to be bound by what I thought I was supposed to say before me. So much so that I'm trying to discover who Christy is right now in real time. Together, we're gonna have honest and real conversations, just like girlfriends having our cocktail or a coffee on the back porch. We're gonna cut through that we have stories we tell ourselves and find clarity to start scared about putting ourselves first. Because, girl, who you are outside of being a mom still matters. It is time that we live out the dreams and the desires that God has placed on our hearts, even if we don't know what that is quite yet. But I got you. We're in this together. So grab your drink, meet me on the back porch, and let's do this. Hey friend, welcome back to Start Scared. Um, I am going, I'm sitting on the floor in my closet. Um, and usually when I sit down to record a Start Scared podcast, I have an idea and I have a thought. I have some kind of lesson that I'm working through that I want to bring to you. I have some notes. Um, but today I am coming to you friend to friend, girlfriend to girlfriend, mom to mom. Um, and I just want to talk because lately I have been feeling so irritable and sad. Like I've been impatient, I've been short-tempered, I've been snappy, and honestly, I have no idea why. Um I don't love admitting that um because I feel like I'm supposed to know why I have this dark cloud over my head. Like I'm the mom, I'm the adult, you know, I'm the one who is supposed to be able to regulate my emotions and and model healthy emotional behavior for my kids. Um and obviously I really, really want to do that. But over the last couple of weeks, I found myself just feeling sad and snapping more, especially with my son Bruce. He's 11. And, you know, afterward, of course I feel terrible. And, you know, of course I repair, I follow my sword, I apologize. I tell him, hey, dude, like I'm so sorry that was not fair for me to act the way that I did. You didn't deserve that. Um, I was frustrated and I took it out on you. And I mean it, you know, I I don't apologize if I don't mean it. I really mean it. Um and then I just ruminate. You know, I ruminate on conversations that I've had, and hours later I'm replaying it over and over. What did I say? Did I sound rude? Did I overreact? Why did I say that? Why did I say it like that? Oh my gosh, I should have handled that differently. Did I hurt their feelings? Why did I respond that way? And some most of the time it's not even a big conversation. It's probably not even a big deal. And that person's probably not even thinking about it, giving it a second thought. You know, it could be this like tiny interaction that meant absolutely nothing to the other person. And I'm over here three, four, five, six days later having a full-blown committee meeting inside my brain, like, you know, I don't know. Why did I do that? Um, and I'm just I'm exhausted. I'm tired. I'm I don't know. I just I think that's probably part of the reason why I just wanted to talk about my emotions today, because I've been thinking a lot about them. And, you know, we talk a lot about our emotions with our kids and or you know, emotions with our with our kids. And and I always want Bruce to, you know, understand that emotions aren't bad, right? Anger isn't bad, sadness isn't bad, frustration isn't bad, disappointment isn't bad, you know, anxiety isn't bad. And happiness isn't somehow like a better emotion than anger, quote unquote, right? Um joy isn't superior to sadness. You know, they're just emotions. They're information, they're telling us something. And I don't feel like the emotion itself is the problem. Um it's what we do with it, it's how we respond to it. You know, like um Thursday, Bruce had his second baseball game, and um he hit the ball, which was a huge, huge, huge upgrade from last week when he didn't swing at all. He hit the ball, hit it to the second baseman who um was able to scoop it up and threw him out at first. But he advanced the runners, did his job, but he was mad about it. And then his second at-bat, um, the third strike that was called on him, um, was low. And he was pissed. And, you know, rightfully so. I understand. However, the umpires are the bosses and what they say goes. And even if we don't agree, we can't get pissed off about it. And he carried that into you know, his job as a left out fieldman and and just was mad and ruminating on it and didn't shake it off. And then when that part of the inning was over, he just walked off the field rather than hustling off the field. And so, like, I don't want him to feel bad that he's angry because he's not bad, but I want him to learn that, like, okay, I'm angry. What is my anger telling me? And what am I gonna do with it? You know, I use that anger to fuel you to do better in the next inning or the next game, um, but not to blame someone else for that anger because that's on you, right? You know, I I told him in the car that you don't have control over that first thought, but you have control over every thought after that. So, like capture that first thought and what are you gonna do with it? Um, but you know, it's it's a lot easier to teach that lesson when you know you're sitting calmly on the sidelines than when you're the one whose nervous system is completely fried. And I'm like thinking, trying to think to myself, like, girl, what is going on with you? Like, why? And it's it's not anybody else's fault, right? Like, I can't place blame on someone else for my feelings and my emotions because those belong to me solely, right? Like, why am I being so impatient? Why am I getting frustrated over things that normally wouldn't bother me so much? Why am I snapping? Like, why do I feel like I have such a short fuse? Why am I just feeling like I have a dark cloud over my head and I feel so sad? I don't have a great answer to that. Okay, friend, quick pause because if you are anything like me, you want to take care of yourself, but you also don't want a bathroom full of products with ingredients you can't pronounce, and you certainly do not want a 10-step skincare routine. So let me put you onto something I am fully obsessed with: herbal face food. This stuff is hands down one of the most potent anti-aging, multi-correction skincare products I have ever used. No fillers, no chemicals, no BS, just clean, powerful ingredients that actually work. 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You know, I there's some internal stress going on in my life, things that I'm carrying, things that I'm thinking about, things that I'm processing, things that I'm holding on to that I'm not letting out. And so I think that those internal stressors are coming out as frustration and anxiety. And um, you know, those things just don't stay neatly contained into the little box where we put them and where I've been trying to keep these, you know, these feelings at bay. And, you know, they come out. They have to come out somewhere, right? And sometimes um fortunately they come out when our kids spill something, or maybe when they ask you the same question 47,000 times, or maybe they need help with something at the precise limit or moment that I've reached my limit, right? And suddenly I'm like, and then I'm like, oh my gosh, why did I just say it like that? Why did I just freak out? Why did I get so mad? I hate that feeling. I don't know if you can relate to I I'm sure you can relate to this. Um, you know, he doesn't, he doesn't deserve the version of me that is carrying stress that has nothing to do with him. And I think that that's the part that really makes me the saddest. Not that I have emotions, not that I get angry, not that I get frustrated, but that sometimes the people that we love the most get the overflow. Whether that's the overflow of joy or the overflow of peace or the overflow of anger or the overflow of frustration. I don't want him to get that overflow. I want to be, I want to be really clear about something because I do not want anybody listening to this thinking that I'm talking about something more serious than I am. Like I'm not talking about hurting Bruce, not talking about abuse. I'm talking about just being snappy, being impatient, having a sharper tone than I needed to have in that moment, having less patience than I normally do, and then feeling guilty about it afterwards. And I know that I am not the only mom who's experienced that. Because I wonder if you listening right now are like, oh my gosh, me too. You know, maybe you're burned out or overwhelmed or you're carrying something that nobody else knows about. Maybe you're worried about money. Maybe you're worried about your marriage. Maybe you're worried about your kids. Maybe you're navigating a season of parenting that is just really freaking hard. Maybe you're trying to hold everybody else's emotions while simultaneously ignoring your own. Maybe you're exhausted. You haven't had five minutes to yourself. Maybe you can't even pee without someone needing something for you. And that's coming out as anger because it's, but it's really actually stress. I feel like that's probably part of me. And, you know, my my frustration is is actually stress, or my sadness is actually stress, or, you know, maybe your impatience is really just exhaustion, or our irritability is just overwhelm. I'm like raising my hand. Yes, all of the above, right? And I'm not saying that that's definitely what's happening to me. I don't know. I I think that that's probably, you know, stress, exhaustion, overwhelm, you know, all coming to a head and then exploding out as this, you know, frustration, frustrated, impatient mom. And then I ruminate and then that develops into sadness. I don't know. I don't know. And I think that we need permission to say that I just don't know. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I don't know exactly where it's coming from. And I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with it. And I'm trying, I'm trying to give myself permission to just sit in that uncertainty without immediately turning it into a project on like how to fix myself. Um, like we feel something uncomfortable and immediately are like, what am I gonna do? How am I gonna fix this? What book do I need to read? What podcast do I need to listen to? What routine do I need to start? What supplement do I need to take? What five-step system do I need to implement in order to become a calmer, more emotionally regulated human being? And maybe sometimes we just need to feel it and acknowledge and say I'm having a hard couple weeks. And maybe that's enough to just recognize it, that it's there. And you know, like I've been keeping some internal stress inside, and maybe I just need to let it out. Maybe I just need to say it out loud. You know, I don't want I don't want my kids to grow up thinking that adults don't make mistakes. You know, I don't want Bruce to think that being a good parent means never getting frustrated. Um, I I don't want him to think that healthy people don't get angry. I do want him to see me repair. You know, when I snap at him and I realize it, I go back and I fall on my sword and I say I'm sorry. You know, I don't need to say, well, I was stressed because X, Y, and Z. That's not his responsibility, right? He's 11. But I do need to apologize, say I'm sorry. I was frustrated, but I should not have spoken to you that way. And I want him to know that as a mom, I love you so deeply, and as a mom, I can still mess up. Like as your mom, I can feel frustrated, and I can also repair. You know, as a mom, I can still have big emotions, and those emotions don't make me a bad person. And even though those are the things that I want to teach Bruce, I think maybe I need to remember that myself too. Like I don't know, like every imperfect emotional moment is not evidence that I'm failing. And I think that's where the ruminating is getting me. Like, I don't just think, oh, I wish I had handled that differently. I continue to sit in it and I think, why did I handle it that way? What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be more patient? Why am I like this? I'm such a bad mom. And suddenly one moment of impatience becomes an entire character assault. And that's not fair either. You know? I don't know. So that's where my heart is right now. No lesson, no breakthrough, certainly no five things you can do when you're fear feeling irritable. I'm still figuring it out. Um, I'm trying to understand where this is coming from. Trying to stop that first thought and and switching it. I'm, you know, trying to notice it before it comes out. I'm I'm trying to give myself somewhere to put my stress that isn't on the people that I love. Um yeah, so I just wanted to hop on the mic and sit in my closet with my girlfriend. Because maybe your fuse is shorter, maybe you're crying more, maybe you're angry more, maybe you're overwhelmed, maybe you're replaying conversations in your head over and over and over. Maybe you're wondering why can't I just get this together? You you you don't have to get it all together today. Just notice. Take a deep breath. Apologize when you need to apologize. And give yourself some grace. And maybe you just need to sit on the back porch with a friend or pick up the phone and call someone and say, I I don't really know what's going on with me right now. I just need to talk. And you know, maybe that's just the place that we can start. Not with an answer, not with a solution. Just with telling the truth. You know? And my truth is right now, like, I'm feeling more irritable and more sad than usual. I'm I'm more impatient. I'm carrying some stress that I am keeping locked up in my head and in my heart. I'm ruminating over conversations that I've had and things that I've said or done. And I've had to apologize more times than I'd like. And that also makes me more sad. But I'm reminding myself and I'm reminding you that that doesn't make us bad moms. It makes us human. And I'm grateful that I have you to have this conversation with. Together. Because I know that we don't have it all figured out. So thank you for being here. Thank you for letting me share my heart. And if you two are feeling some sort of way that you just can't pinpoint why, pick up the phone, call a friend, slide into my DMs, chat with me. I'm here for you always. I am reading for you. Remember, you matter. And I will see you next week. Same time, same place.