290. What If You’re Not Behind? Let's Stop Comparing Our Life to Everyone Else’s Timeline

SPEAKER_00: Hey friend, welcome to the Start Scared Podcast, where we are mamas who are wanting, craving, needing more in our lives outside of just being a mom. We love our babies, but man, have we lost ourselves in the chaos of everyday mom life. My name is Christy, and I'm a wife, mama, teacher, and India Gram 6 and a projector who used to be bound by what I thought I was supposed to say, do, or be. So much so that I'm trying to discover who Christy is right now in real time. Together, we're gonna have honest and real conversations, just like girlfriends chatting over a cocktail or coffee on the back porch. We're gonna cut through the BS stories we tell ourselves and find clarity to start scared of putting ourselves first. Because, girls, who you are outside of being a mom still matters. It is time that we live out the dreams and the desires that God has placed in our hearts, even if we don't know what that is quite yet. So meet me on the back porch, and let's do this. Another one's like I can tell you that I have done that multiple times. And thinking that if she's further along than you, she's more successful than you. Um, her house is prettier and cleaner and not as messy. Her kids are doing these amazing things. They are kind and they're generous and they're sweet and they're hardworking, and they have their manners, and she works out more and she travels more, and she has these cute clothes, put together outfits, great body, this beautiful husband, perfect, aesthetically pleasing family pictures with coordinating outfits, and she me she drinks all of her water, and she doesn't have you know a thousand red dots on her phone because she answers all of her text messages and returns all of her phone calls and doesn't have any unread emails. And you're standing in your kitchen thinking, like, oh my gosh, I'm behind. I've been there and I actually was there yesterday, and that's why I am coming on to you know, talk to you about it first thing in the morning. I still have my morning voice because I really felt called to have this conversation with you because you know, you start thinking that other or you start using other women's highlight reels on Instagram, on social media as evidence that you're behind in your own life, that I'm behind in my own life. And that is such a ridiculous way to measure life. You know, like I think about you know, my own personal experience with Bruce. He's 11 years old, he has ADHD, he's extremely impulsive. I know in my heart that he's a really good kid, but I also feel that I am lacking, I feel like I am not doing right by him. I feel like I'm a bad mom, and I feel like people judge me, and that may or may not be the case, but oftentimes that's you know the way that I feel. And so, you know, I I going back to other women's highlight reels, you know, I'm I'm comparing my behind the scenes that nobody else sees to someone else's best moments, right? The things that they choose to put on Instagram. You know, I can check out their stories, and those are a little bit more real and raw, but those Instagram feed posts, those are usually someone else's best moments. I'm looking at their vacation pictures, and I'm looking at their their business announcements and how much money they made this month, and I'm looking at their new house and how beautifully they've decorated it, and I'm looking at these extravagant birthday parties and perfectly decorated spaces, and you know, the accomplishments, and and look what I did posts, and and I think about my own life, and I think about like I should be doing more. Like I quit my job, like I don't even work anymore. Like, who am I, right? And I should be further along and I should be doing more with my life, and I should be, I should have who I am figured out by now. I'm 42, right? And it's just like it's exhausting, and maybe I'm not behind, like I'm just on a different timeline, right? I have my own path, and you too, right? Like here's the thing about comparison it takes something that was never meant to be a race and it turns it into one. And I think that's the dangerous side of social media. You know, like we start thinking that there's this invisible timeline that we're supposed to be following. And if we're not following it to a T or exactly the way that she's doing it, then we're wrong. You know, by this age, I'm 42, I should have X, Y, and Z. By this stage of motherhood, I should feel this way, or you know, I should have this. And, you know, by now I should have accomplished, you know, A, B, and C and done this. And and when someone else gets there before us, we interpret their success as evidence of uh of our failure. Hey friend, quick pause for just one second. If you've been listening today and you're thinking, yep, this is me. I am kind of lost. I love my kids, but I don't know who I am anymore. I want you to know you are not broken and you are not behind. That exact feeling is why I created Rediscover You. It's a 30-day face-based journal for mommas who love Jesus but feel buried under their roles, their expectations and go, go, go, go, going. It's still fine. It's just what you do for everyone else. This isn't another thing to check off your list. It's an invitation to sit with the Lord, even if it's just five quiet minutes. And remember that you matter too. You can grab your own copy of Rediscover You on Amazon. It is in paperback or Kindle. Just search Rediscover You journal. And if this podcast has encouraged you at all, this journal is the next perfect step. So here's your gentle nudge. Don't wait for life to slow down. Start scared, start small, and start now. All right, girl, let's get back to the episode. Someone else's yes is our no. Can you relate to that at all? Like, but I this may not be making any sense, but yo, someone else's success doesn't make you or me less successful. Someone else's beautiful life doesn't make your life or my life less beautiful. And someone else's chapter 23 does not mean that I'm late or you're late because we're still on chapter 10. Like I think that we forget that we don't know the whole story. There is one person in the world in the history of the universe that knows the whole story. We don't know what happened or happened before that person posted that perfectly curated picture. We don't know what happened after the picture. We don't know what the woman who put posted that look at me or you know, perfectly curated family photo. We don't know what she's struggling with because maybe she doesn't feel like she has a village or a friend that she can be open and honest with. We don't know what she sacrificed or the hard work that it took her to get to where she is. And she probably doesn't know that about you either. And she probably doesn't know that about me either. And so why are we letting a 30-second glimpse, 10-second glimpse into one snapshot glimpse into someone else's life determine how we feel about our own? And I think this is especially hard for women, especially hard for moms, because we're constantly being told like what we're supposed to be doing next. You know, we're supposed to be a good mom, we're supposed to have a good career, we're supposed to build the business, we're supposed to stay fit, we're supposed to take care of our marriage, we're supposed to have hobbies and travel and make memories and cook dinner and have friends and read the books and keep the house clean and get the Botox and drink the water and somehow while doing it looking perfectly put together. No wonder we're exhausted. No wonder we feel behind. Because the finish line keeps moving. And so maybe the the question isn't why am I not where she is? Maybe the question is where am I supposed to be right now? And even better, do I actually want what I'm comparing myself to? Because sometimes we don't even want that thing. We just want the feeling we think that thing is going to give us. And we don't necessarily want her life, we just want to feel successful in our own life. We want to feel secure and feel proud of ourselves, and we want to feel like we're doing enough. What does enough even look like? And we don't have to become someone else to feel those things. You can want more for yourself without believing that your current life, the life that you're living right now, isn't enough. We can be grateful for where we are right now and still dream about where we're going. Those two things can live together, they can exist together. And, you know, maybe we're not behind. Maybe we're growing, or maybe we're in a slower season, or maybe we're rebuilding. Maybe you're figuring out who you are again. Maybe you're in the thick of raising babies. Maybe you're caring for aging parents. Maybe you're starting over after a divorce or after a job change. Maybe you're resting because you're in the thick of adrenal fatigue. Hence my morning voice. You know, maybe you're doing something nobody else can see because you're not posting about it on Instagram. Maybe the work you're you're doing right now doesn't photograph well, or maybe because you're so head down that you're not stopping to take a picture of it. And that's okay. Because not every everything meaningful is gonna make a good Instagram post. Some of the most important work that we get to do in our lives happens quietly. And I I want you to remember something that I have to remind myself of every single day, all the time. Like, you are not late, you are not behind, you have not missed your chance. I have not missed my chance, I am not behind. We are not behind because someone else got there first. We do not need to catch up to someone else. We just need to get back to ourselves. So maybe the next time you catch yourself scrolling and suddenly thinking that you wish you had her life or that you're somehow behind. I want both of us, you and me, to stop and take a breath and ask ourselves behind according to who? Because the answer is probably nobody. Maybe you've just been looking at somebody else's highlight reel for too long. And maybe it's time to just put the phone down, look around at the life that you've actually built, and realize that you are not behind. You are here. I am currently sitting on one of the porches at our beach house in Port O'Connor. I am not behind. I am living a life that I didn't even dream of. And I am living a life that someone is probably wishing they had to, not realizing all of the struggles that I'm going through too. Constantly wondering who I am outside of the hats that I wear, quitting my job because I was so burnt out and not still not knowing what the next step is. We are not behind. We are here. And here is a pretty damn good place to be. We are starting scared together because only God knows what's next. And I have a feeling, and I know that God's got us. And whatever comes next is going to be great too. It's gonna be beautiful, it may be hard, it may be tricky, but in the end it's going to be a beautiful season. And only God knows what's next. So buckle up, we're in this together. I love you, I'm rooting for you, and remember you matter. I will see you next week, same time, same place.