289. What Dolly Parton Taught Us About Being Yourself

SPEAKER_00: Hey friend, welcome to the Star Scared Podcast, where we are mommas and we're wanting to be meaning more than our lives outside of just being a mom. We love our babies but we lost our stuff in the case of every day. My name is Christy, and I'm a wife mama teacher and Instagram sticks in the projector who used to be found by what I thought I was supposed to say before me. So much so that I'm trying to discover who Christy is right now in real time. Just like girlfriends having a work or copy on the back porch. It is time that we live out the dreams and the desires that God has placed on our hearts, even if we don't know what that is quite yet. But I got you. We're in this together. So grab your drink, meet me on the back porch, and let's do this. Hey friends, welcome back. Hello. Welcome back to another episode of Start Scared. I'm Christy and I'm so happy that you're here today. Um, if you have been living under a rock, you may not know, but I'm sure you do, obviously by this point, because it's been over a week. Um but Dolly Parton died. And one thing that I have loved about seeing all of the memorials for her was not about how incredible of a singer she is, not about all of the awards that she's won or you know, her acting ability. It was just who she was as a as a person and how kind and generous and humble she was. And so that's kind of one of what I want to talk about today, about you know, what Dolly Parton taught us about being yourself. And, you know, there are so many, like so many people who are woven into our lives that it's like we almost forget are there, but we just feel like they're gonna live forever. And I feel like that was Dolly Parton to me, right? Like she was 80 years old. She was famous for as long more than you know, as long as I was alive. And it, she just was always going to be there, you know, part of our cult, our soundtrack of our life and and part of our culture and part of our memories. And, you know, yes, Dolly was a country music legend. She was a songwriter, she was a singer, she was an actress, she was an entrepreneur, she was a businesswoman. Um, she was wildly successful. But like I said, all of the things that I heard about her that people would post about her was about her heart. And, you know, I think Dolly Parton gave us something that was so much bigger than her talent, than her music, than her songwriting ability, than her voice. She gave us the example of what it looks like to be completely unapologetically yourself and use that person that God created you to be to make the world a better place. And I think that that's something that we could all use a little bit more of. Like, especially us moms, you know, you see so many people say, be more like Dolly, be more like Dolly. And that's not, you know, be successful with a singing career, you know, that's not win all of these awards, you know, it's be kind, treat uh others the way that they deserve to be treated, and um, you know, make everybody feel included and like they matter. And, you know, I think somewhere between becoming a wife and becoming a mom and managing a household and working and making appointments and answering, you know, 47 questions before breakfast and remembering everybody's schedule, trying to keep everyone alive and all the pets and all the things and you know, being that default parent, you know, we lose track of ourselves and we start asking, you know, like, who do I need to be? What does everybody need from me? What would make everybody else happy? What am I supposed to look like? What am I supposed to want? You know, and and we forget to ask, who am I? Right. And I think that's the whole premise of this podcast. And I think that Dolly Parton spent her entire life giving us permission to ask that question because she obviously was not perfect. She didn't have everything figured out, but because she seemed to understand that being yourself isn't selfish. And I think that being yourself might be one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself and then give to the world on top of that. Give to your family, give to the people that are in your community. And um, you know, so today's episode, I want to just talk a little bit about Dolly Parton, right? Like, I know that you have a picture in your in your brain of what she looked like the hair and the rhinestones and the makeup and um the big boobs and the skinny waist, and you know, she was so funny and her voice and her personality and stories and her ambition and her upbringing and what she created out of nothing, and you know, her accent, and but she never tried to spend her life convincing us that she was someone else. She was always unapologetically, authentically herself. And I think so many times, and myself included, you know, we edit ourselves and we tone ourselves down and we compare ourselves to others and we look around and we decide that, you know, someone else's version of motherhood or womanhood looks better than ours, or maybe we're too loud, or maybe we're too quiet, or maybe we're too emotional, or too ambitious, not ambitious enough, or maybe we're too silly, too goofy, too serious, too much, not enough. And we spend so much energy trying to become the version of ourselves that we think other people will approve of. And so much so that we forget who we actually are. And that is why I started this podcast. Like I wanted to figure out who I was outside of all the hats that I wore, outside of what everybody else expected me to be. And Dolly's life reminds me that you do not have to become somebody else to be valuable. You don't have to tone yourself down or be less weird or less funny or less ambitious or less creative or less passionate or less colorful or less you. Maybe the goal here isn't to become more like someone else. The goal is to become more like yourself, more like the person that God created you to be. And here's the part that really makes this really like hit home for me is that she didn't just become fully herself and stop there. Like Dolly used what she had to make the world a better place. She used her success, she used her money, she used her creativity, her influence, her story, her platform, and her love for children. She didn't have kids of her own, but everybody was her children, right? And through her imagination library, she helped put books into the hands of millions and millions and millions of children. And I don't, but I don't think that our gifts have to be enormous in order to be useful. You know, well, I'm not Dolly Parton, right? And so I'm not going to I don't have millions of dollars. I don't have a huge platform, I don't have a best-selling book, I don't have a business that generates, you know, millions of dollars. I don't have this giant calling. But that's not the point. Like you, I don't feel like we have to have all of these things in order to be impressive, right? Like, what do I have? The question we can ask is what do I have that I can use that I can give? You know, maybe you're a really good listener. Maybe you love to make people laugh. Maybe you're a mom who notices when other moms are struggling. Maybe you're creative. Maybe you're a teacher. Maybe you're a really good friend. Maybe you're really good at making other people feel welcome and seen and heard and understood. Maybe you've walked through something really, really hard and now you have the wisdom from the other side that someone else desperately needs. Maybe your gift is, you know, like I said, simply making other people feel seen. And don't underestimate that. Hey girl, I wanted to share something really quick with you because if you are raising kids right now, you already know that teaching them about money feels overwhelming. Where do I even start? We want them to be responsible. We want them to understand work. We want them to understand saving. We want them to understand generosity, but also we're busy, we're exhausted, and we're doing the best we can. That's why we use Greenlight for our son Bruce, and honestly, it has been a game changer. Greenlight is a money app and debit card made just for kids and teens. We can send Bruce money instantly, we can assign tours, and we can help him learn how to earn, save, and even invest all in a way that actually makes sense for his age. What I love most is that it opens up conversations. He's learning responsibility, decision making, and confidence, not just spending and regiding him instead of stressing out about it. If you've been thinking, I want to teach my kids about money, but I don't even know where to start, this is such an easy first step. You can sign up using my link at greenlight.com or just click the link in the show notes. And when you do, you'll earn$30 when you join. You do not have to do parenting perfectly to do it intentionally. Small tools like Greenlight can make a huge impact. So check out Greenlight, set your kids up with skills they'll actually use, they'll actually need, and take one thing off your mental load. Don't forget to use my link. It's in the show notes. And when you sign up, you can earn$30. All right, girl, let's get back to the episode. Because those are important gifts that you can use to share with the world or share with the woman sitting next to you, or share with your community, share within your family. Because sometimes the smallest things that we have to offer can become something that you know people remember forever. And I think one of the biggest things that I admire about Dolly Parton is that she showed us that you don't have to choose between being strong and being kind. You don't have to choose between ambition and generosity. You don't have to choose between success and humility. You can build something incredible and still care about people. You can be uber confident and still be gracious. You can take yourself seriously, but still laugh at yourself and make fun of yourself. You can dream really, really big, but still have a kind and gentle heart. And I think that us moms, we need to remember that because you know, sometimes we think in order to succeed, we have to, you know, become stronger and become harder and become tougher, and we have to stop caring what people think, and we have to hustle and we we have to prove ourselves. And and but maybe strength doesn't look like hardness. You know, you can be strong and still say, stay soft. You know, strength can look like generosity, strength can look like kindness, and you know, strength can look like knowing exactly who you are without needing everybody else to agree with you. And that was another thing that I loved about Dolly is that she never talked politics. Nobody knew what she believed in as far as conservative, Republican, Democrat, liberal, whatever, because that wasn't what was important to her. She wanted people to know that she believed and loved Jesus with her whole heart. And she wanted people to know that she loved people, period, full stop. And yes, Dolly was super successful, and whatever she touched turned to gold, but it's because she was fully herself and she didn't need to become somebody else to make an impact. She became more herself unapologetically, and she used that person to love people, and she used that person to generously give. And she used that that gift of becoming more herself for people to feel more seen and more heard. And I don't think we need more, you know, we don't need to be Dolly Parton because none of us will ever be Dolly Parton. But what we, the gift that we have to give to the world is to become more us. I I need to become more myself. You need to become more you. And there's something about you that the world needs that nobody else can give in the way that only you can. And if you're a mom listening to this and you may be thinking, okay, but I don't even know who I am anymore because same, I'm still trying to figure it out. I get it. Like maybe you don't need to figure out your entire identity today. I'm still working on it. But we can start small. You know, what makes you laugh? What are you curious about? What did you love before everybody needed something from you? What makes you lose track of time? That's a big one. What can you sit and do for hours without getting tired? What do you want to learn about? What do you believe in? What kind of friend do you want to be? What kind of woman do you want your kids to remember? What part of yourself have you been trying to make smaller? Because you can fully be yourself without taking away something from the people that you love. Right? Like I feel like if you become more fully yourself, you're giving them something more. Your kids don't need a mom who disappears completely into motherhood. They need a mom who shows them what it looks like to be a whole complete human being. You know, a a woman who has interests, who has dreams, who has friendships, who has passions, who has faith, who has humor, who has big feelings, you know, a woman who knows that she matters too. Because you do. And I think that's why I feel like this was such a conversation that I wanted to have on Start Scared, because starting scared isn't just about doing something scary. You know, starting scared means starting to become yourself again, listening to your own voice rather than all of the outside voices, you know, taking up more space, trying something new, remembering what you like, you know, believing that your life still gets to belong to you. All of that is starting scared. And maybe Dolly Parton's greatest lesson is this the world doesn't need another version of somebody else. It needs you. Exactly as God created you. Your weirdness, your humor, your gift, your story, your heart, your particular brain of crazy, your particular way of loving people. And use all of that that God gave you to make someone else's life a little bit better. Because being yourself isn't, you know, the end goal. The more yourself you bec you can become, that's really the beginning. The beginning of being able to create something that you that you are proud of, or you begin to love more like Jesus, or begin to give more generously, or maybe to begin to live a life that you actually really love. And so, Dolly, Dolly Parton, like this is not about your music. This is not about your awards. Thank you. Obviously, thank you for your music, but thank you for your laughter. Thank you for the glitter and the sparkles and the big hair. And but thank you for reminding us women that we do not have to shrink ourselves to be lovable. Thank you for loving children, especially since they weren't even your own. Thank you for giving so incredibly generously to make this world a better place. Thank you for showing us that success doesn't have to make you hard, that you can still have a soft heart, even when you're very successful at whatever it is you choose to do. Um, thank you for showing us that being completely unapologetically yourself can be one of the greatest gifts we ever give to the world. Be yourself, not because the world owes you applause for it, but because the person God made you to be is worth knowing. The world might need exactly what only you can give. All right, girl, I love you. I'm rooting for you, and remember you matter. I will see you next week. Same time, same place, and keep being yourself as much as you possibly can. Start scared. It's scary to show the world your full, complete weirdness. But that's what we need. We need more women, more moms who are completely themselves. Because that's what we want to teach our kids too. All right, girl, I love you. Again, I'm reading for you. And remember, you matter. I will see you next week. Same time, same place.