295. The Cat I’m Praying Comes Home

SPEAKER_00: Hey friend, welcome to the Star Scared Podcast, where we are mamas who are wanting crazy meaning more in our lives outside of just being a mom. We love our babies, but man how we lost ourselves in the chaos of everyday mom life. My name is Christy, and I'm a wife, a mama, a teacher, an Indian gram sticks, and a projector who used to be bound by what I thought I was supposed to say to or be. So much so that I'm trying to discover who Christy is right now in real time. Together, we're gonna have honest and real conversations, just like girlfriends cutting a bark or coffee on the back porch. We're gonna cut through the VS stories we tell ourselves and find clarity to start scared of putting ourselves first. Because, girl, who you are outside of being a mom still matters. It is time that we live out the dreams and the desires that God has placed on our hearts, even if we don't know what that is quite yet. But I got you. We're in this together. So grab your drink, meet me on the back porch, and let's do this. Hey friend, welcome back to Start Scared. Um, there are most of Start Scared episodes, I know exactly what to say for the most part. You know, I have some notes and I plan things out. Um, and then there are some episodes where I just want to sit on the back porch and talk with my friends. And today, this is one of those episodes um my cat Connor is missing, and I don't really know how to talk about it without crying. I have been really strong um trying to stay focused on finding him, but it's been a really hard week. So I'm just gonna I'm just gonna tell you the story. So back in September 2022, Frank was on a work fishing trip to Port O'Connor, and this is before our house was done being built. So he um had rented a property, he was outside grilling steaks when the sweet little orange kitten wandered up. He was begging for food, he was skinny, he was scrounging around, um, you know, digging for bugs in the ground and, you know, wanted some of Frank's steaks. So, of course, you know, the good guy that he is, he wasn't gonna let him hungry. So he fed him. And Frank thought that he couldn't have been more than a few months old. Um, he sent me a picture of this little orange cat. He had the biggest eyes, biggest ears, and he was so incredibly handsome. He had these little white paws. Um, and he he kept feeding him over the next couple days. And when it was time for him to come home, I was like, we can't just leave him behind. And Frank's never been a cat person, mind you. And I'm like, you can't just we can't just leave him behind. It's about to get cold. And what if he dies? And so he calls me and goes, we're on our way home. And I'm like, what do you mean, we? And he sent me a picture of he had gone to the dollar store to try and find a cat carrier. He didn't find anything, so he bought two laundry baskets, he zip tied them together, and that was the cat carrier. And so that was the picture that he sent me of Connor and the two laundry baskets, and that was it. You know, Connor was ours. And at the time we had our sweet 13-year-old cat Perry, and Perry took to Connor pretty, pretty quickly. They became fast friends. Connor, Perry was so, so patient with him. Connor was would be jumping on him and climbing on top of him and attacking him. And Perry was just so sweet. He was, I mean, I have a picture of Perry laying like spread eagle on the ground, and Connor is just like pinned him down laying on top of him. And it was one of my favorite pictures because Perry was just, he was so gentle, he was so patient, and Connor just was a little stinker. Um and when we moved into this house and we built this house, we have a small patio that um we closed in to make a little catio. And, you know, it's screens in, there's a door, a cat door leading in and out of the house. Um, there's a litter box out there, some cat toys. I mean, sorry, a cat tree, some shelves. And um Perry loved it. Connor, it was quickly discovered that the patio was not going to be enough for Connor. Like he wanted to be outside. He wanted to hunt, he wanted to explore the woods behind our house and the property next door and behind us. And oh my God, he was such a good hunter. He brought me so many lizards. I have a picture of him with a lizard like dangling in out of his mouth. He brought me birds, mice. One time he brought me a bunny. Um, that was really sad. Um, you know, obviously super sweet because they're presents for me, because he loved us so much, but it was, you know, also absolutely terrifying and very sad. Um, we went through three air tags trying to keep track of this cat because I wanted to make sure I knew where he was. And we had one on Perry too. And Perry would go outside as well, but he wouldn't venture as far. He would come back, he wouldn't be outside very much. And um, but the air tags proved very helpful. Like if I couldn't find the cats in the house, I would just make the noise and I would be able to find it. Well, anyway, I this cat and he we had them attached to breakaway collars. And so somehow he broke out of the collar, which lost the air tag. And um eventually, like after he after Connor lost the third air tag, I was like, okay, fine, whatever. I'm just gonna, they're$25. I don't want to keep spending this money if you're gonna lose them. I will keep buying the cheap breakaway collars so at least you have a bell and a collar on. Um, and we had our little routine. Like he would eat breakfast in the morning, and then uh once the sun was up, he would go outside during the day. He knew he wasn't allowed outside after dark. We trained him to come home for treats that he would check in throughout the day, he would get his treats, and then he would head right back outside to continue doing whatever he was doing. And as the sun started to set, we'd call his name, we would shake the treat bag, and he would come running and we would hear his little jingle bell. And he would usually sleep on the couch or at the foot of our bed. Sometimes he would even snuggle with me. Like after Perry died, Perry used to like, we would spoon, me and Perry. And after Perry died, Connor kind of moved up to Perry's spot, which was really sweet. But um, there were a couple times that he didn't come home before dark. And I on those nights that he didn't come home, I was an absolute wreck. Like I would go outside with the treats and I would call his name and I would shake the bag and I would walk around the yard. And eventually I would sleep on the couch with the back porch lights on, you know, waiting for him. And of course I didn't get much sleep. And every single time he would come home at first light. If he didn't come home in the middle of the night, he would come home first light. So I never really worried that he wouldn't come back until this week. Quick pause for just one second. If you've been listening today and you're thinking, yep, this is me, I am kind of lost. I love my kids, but I don't know who I am anymore. I want you to know you are not broken and you are not behind. That exact feeling is why I created Rediscover You. It's a 30-day face-based journal for mamas who love Jesus but feel buried under their roles, their expectations, and the constant go, go, go, go, going. Inside you'll find scripture, affirmations, and space to breathe, reflect, and reconnect with who God says you are, not just what you do for everyone else. This isn't another thing to check off your list. It's an invitation to sit with the Lord, even if it's just five quiet minutes, and remember that you matter too. You can grab your own copy of Rediscover You on Amazon. It is in paperback or Kindle. Just search Rediscover You journal. And if this podcast has encouraged you at all, this journal is the next perfect step. So here's your gentle nudge. Don't wait for life to slow down. Start scared, start small, and start now. All right, girl, let's get back to the episode. So um at this the time of this recording recording, he's been missing almost a week at the time this um uh episode releases. He will have been gone over a week. Um, this past Tuesday, Connor was inside. He was sleeping in one of the dining room chairs, completely sprawled down on his back with his forelegs curled up. Oh my gosh, he was so cute. I wish I had taken a picture because it was he was so stinking cute. And that was the last time I saw him. Um, we had a makeup baseball game for Bruce that night. And the last time I saw Connor was around 6:15, right before we left. And I can't remember if he went out when we went out. Um, I'm not sure if Malcolm let him out when he got home. I just I don't know. I just remember seeing him on the chair, all curled up, super cute. Um I always make sure that I have eyes on him before I go to bed. And um, so when we got home, I I couldn't find him. You know, I'm like, wait, wasn't he inside? And so we searched everywhere. We searched the house, we searched the closets under beds, um, inside cabinets. I went into the attic. I searched everywhere. We search we shook the treats inside and outside, called his name, and he would always come running for the treats. You know, 90% of the time he would always come running. Even if he was sleeping upstairs, I would shake the treats and eventually he would, you know, sleepy eye come, you know, stumbling down the stairs. Nothing. Could not find him. And so obviously I slept on the couch that night. Um, I woke up probably five or six times looking out the back door because I expected to see Connor sitting there waiting to come inside. Nothing. Um, when my alarm went off the next morning, I immediately popped up because I fully expected to see him staring at me through the sliding glass door. Nothing. And that's when I knew something was wrong because this was not like Connor. This was not, it was not characteristic of him. And we searched the house again and we called for him outside. We messaged our neighbors, we asked him to keep an eye out for them, or, you know, when was the last time you saw that saw Connor? Um, I posted on our neighborhood Facebook page. We searched neighboring properties, I put out clothes and blankets that smelled like us on both porches. I slept on the couch every single night until we left town on Friday for a pre-planned hunting trip. And my sweet mom, she kept looking for him the whole weekend while we were gone. She had her windows open. So if she heard the jingle bell or if she heard him meow, um, and she searched our property. Um, and we're still looking, you know, after I got home on Sunday from our trip, I searched some more. We made sure that the cameras had fresh batteries in them in case he came back while we were gone. I could let my mom know. Um, we haven't completely given up hope. You know, we're praying that he'll come back. Um, but I'm trying to be realistic also. Um I'm I'm really sad. I miss him. I miss his spicy little personality. He was a true ginger cat. Um, I miss his biscuits. I miss the way that he smells. I miss snuggling with him at night. I miss seeing him curled up somewhere in the house. I miss hearing the little jingle bell on his collar. Um and I just keep thinking about Tuesday. It was a completely normal Tuesday. He was sleeping upside down in the dining room chair. And I had no idea that that would be the last time I saw. Um and I think that's one of the hardest parts of loving anything or anyone. You know, we don't know when that last ordinary moment is gonna be the last one. Um, we don't get a warning and we don't get to take the picture. Um, we don't get to say, hey, make sure you remember this moment, this exact moment. Um, we just live it. I remember I'd already seen him on the dining room chair, and then Frank came home and he came and got me from the bathroom. He's like, shh, we can be quiet, come check out Connor because he was just so cute. Um, I'm just I'm really glad that we got four years with this crazy orange cat who, you know, wasn't even supposed to be ours, who just happened to adopt Frank. Um, and you know, he found his way into our family and into our hearts and he chose us. And um this is actually the first time in 22 years that I haven't had a cat. Um, when I really think about it, it's the I'm 42, I've had a cat for 40 years of my life, and it just feels weird, you know, like feels like there's a hole. And I know some people think that, think and hear this and think, you know, it's just a cat. But if you've loved an animal, whether it's a cat or a dog or whatever, you know, like they're not just pets, they're part of your family, they're part of your routines, and um, they're part of the little moments that make up your life. They're special. And um, you know, I just keep praying that Connor knows how much we loved him and how how loved he he is by us, and that somehow wherever he is, he knows that we're looking for him and that we're just praying that he'll come back. Um I pray that he comes home, that he's safe, that he's healthy, he's hungry, so I can feed him all the treats, you know. Um, so if you're listening to this, would you please say a prayer for my sweet orange boy? SPEAKER_01: Um, pray that Connor comes home. Or if he's not gonna come home, just pray that he didn't suffer and pray that he knows how much he's loved. Um, and if you've ever lost a pet or had one disappear and somehow found their way back, I would love to hear your story. SPEAKER_00: You know, you hear stories of you know, animals coming back months later. Um, and I pray that that's our case. SPEAKER_01: Um I think also one of the hardest parts, too, is that you know, we lost Connor on Tuesday, and then Friday was the anniversary, the second anniversary of of Perry's passing. And so it's like all within the same week is it's so hard, you know. SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I'm I'm just trying to hold on to every little bit of hope that I can find. SPEAKER_01: And I just pray that Connor comes home because I miss him so much. I have a little Connor-size hole in my heart right now. SPEAKER_00: So anyway, thank you for letting me cry to you. We're friends, right? And uh I appreciate you. I'm grateful for you. Um, I'm reading for you and remember you matter. I will see you next week, hopefully in a better mood. Hopefully not crying, but no matter what, I will see you next week, same time, same place.